... and, how does this question relate to my coffee machine? Recently I was gathering items for an inorganic collection. Some were obvious discards – the broken umbrella, a vacuum cleaner that stopped sucking - but what held my attention was an appliance that still ‘kind of’ worked. I had become used to manually aiding the coffee-making process whenever I used my malfunctioning coffee machine.
Consequently, it was added to the inorganic collection and I started to observe what else in my life may be malfunctioning.
I had grown up with a ‘stick it out’ attitude and now realised I had been holding onto that attitude in some life situations. I tolerated career roles because the job ‘kind of’ worked for me. Demanding or dismissive relationships were tolerated because they still ‘kind of’ worked.
Elizabeth A Segal ( Social Policy Analyst) writes, “… we might see tolerance as a “flawed virtue” because at times we ignore things we should not ignore, letting bad behaviours go unchecked, while at other times tolerance has great value.” Different perspectives of tolerance are required in differing life situations. Here are points to consider if being tolerant has value or not: 1) By tolerating this situation will someone learn the natural consequences of their behaviour and life decisions, without me controlling the outcome? For example, parenting adult family members.
2) By tolerating this situation am I avoiding confronting someone’s inappropriate or harmful behaviour? For example, ignoring bullying/harassment.
3) By tolerating this situation am I inviting disrespect or disregard of my and other people’s values in a work, home, or social environment? For example, allowing selfish/ narcissistic behaviour.
4) By tolerating this situation am I benefiting from the discomfort of this experience? For example, training for a marathon. This tolerance has value!
The opportunity to rid my home of nonworking items was also a significant time to acknowledge if any life situations needed attention.
In my recent blog post about Prioritising Time, it was the 3rd quadrant I needed to address - Urgent but not Important (requiring DISCERNING action)
I had been tolerating the demands of others overriding my priorities. As with my malfunctioning coffee machine, I adapted to inefficient and time-consuming processes to achieve the desired results I wanted.
I now have a fully functioning new coffee machine. Each cup I prepare can remind me how important it is to value the quality of relationships and time commitments. Trish: Life Coach & Counsellor
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