Grief can be a lonely experience. Do you sometimes think no one truly knows what you’re feeling? Sometimes we don’t understand what we are feeling, ourselves.
I’m talking about not expressing the sadness you feel with Christmas/New Year approaching because others think you should have moved on from grieving a death, a divorce, or disengagement from loved ones.
I’m talking about losing an identity role when circumstances change - redundancy, retirement, or an empty nest.
I’m talking about a taboo family secret - estranged relationships, abusive behaviour, or addictions.
I’m talking about an unfulfilled desire - not achieving an academic, performance arts, sporting, or financial goal.
I’m talking about a missed opportunity - a denied career role, a holiday cancellation.
I’m talking about the broken trust in life partners, authority figures, or religious institutions.
I’m talking about a disruption to your life’s routine when caring for a dependent family member.
I’m talking about personal disappointments, an aging body, and the heartache of unrequited love… I’m talking about experiencing grief!
Grief is not something to move on from, but we can move through it. We will always feel the pain of what has been denied or taken from us - it is the ongoing suffering that can be relieved.
The pain is eased when acknowledging it is real. ‘When you let your or somebody’s pain exist, you remove the energy drain of trying to defend pain’s right to exist’ - Megan Devine, author of “It’s OK That You're Not OK”
We can minimise suffering when we identify it. Sometimes it is the misbeliefs we tell ourselves, eg, “It was my fault this happened”, “I didn’t do enough”, or “I’ll always be sad”.
Sometimes others’ reactions to your grieving process can make you feel like your grief journey isn’t valid. You might hear, “It’s time to move on”, “You are strong, you’ll be okay”, or “You’ll meet someone else soon”.
When grief is not given a voice, it can be disguised as shame, guilt, anger, anxiety, depression, or loss of hope. Do you recognise this, for yourself or others?
Grief alters our view of the future and how we thought our life would be. Everyone will experience grief differently - allow yourself to grieve the pain of loss, and ask for help if you feel stuck in the suffering process.
Trish
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